Firecrackers May Burn Out… But They Sure Are Pretty

This evening, it was brought to my attention that this blog still exists. It’s been months since I’ve even thought about it, and I wouldn’t have dug it back out of the grave if Bryan hadn’t asked me whether I wanted to keep a mention of it in my Whales are Whales bio.

I started Aimless Hyperbole back in 2012, if I remember correctly. It was aptly named for the blog I felt I could write:

Aimless: without purpose or direction

Hyperbole: exaggerated statements or claims not meant to be taken literally

That pretty much describes the way I do story telling.

This isn’t the first time this blog has been resurrected. Every year or two, I make a new vision for it. Every year or two, I ask myself “what do I really want this site to be? How will I work toward that? How can I make a cohesive whole?”

Aimless Hyperbole has been through style changes, content changes, theme changes, etc. I removed many of my original posts because they were dumb and replaced them with new ones that I… now think are pretty dumb.

But you know? This time, I’ll leave them.

Looking back on my life, and what this blog was supposed to be, and what this blog has been, I almost regret my previous actions. I regret removing the post about how I can’t make a proper fist (ask me about that sometime… it’s strange). I regret not posting because I couldn’t find the perfect way to say what I was thinking. I regret not taking action because I didn’t have a solid plan. I regret creating a solid plan and not taking action.

I’ve always wanted this blog to be something, and after 5 years, I finally have to admit the truth to myself:

This site is nothing more than an inconsistent rambling of the thoughts inside my head at a certain point in time.

The funny thing is… that’s what it was supposed to be in the first place.

When I’m at my best, I’m one of those people who gets crazy excited for a project. I plug my nose and dive in head first… even if I don’t know how to swim. Yes, using this method often results in a slow, painful death as I gasp for air, find none, and wonder how I got here in the first place.

But that’s not how it always is.

Sometimes the projects, events, seasons I jump into are ones that I’m actually well suited for. Sometimes I find a new passion, hobby, friend, or skill. Sometimes I come out on head. But those times are rare.

Most of the time, I drown. Or burn out, like a firecracker. Here one moment, and gone the next.

But is that really such a bad thing?

I read so often about the “best” ways to do things. I read about life hacks that everyone should follow to be a better person. Why was I reading those? Cause I was looking for easy ways to be a better person. I wanted to make sure I was doing things “right” to avoid missing out on anything worthwhile.

But little did I know, as I was searching for the “right” way to live, I was missing out on the best experience of all—being me.

I’m a firecracker, guys. I light up one day and am dim the next. I am loud and obnoxiously obsessive, then fall back into quiet reserve. I jump into activities without a plan because I just want to do them. And I plan activities that I never act on because I found something new in the process.

Yes, I know I don’t always behave the way I want to. I don’t always make the right decision in the moment. And I can (and shall) continue to change things about the way I operate. Those things I change will likely make me a more productive person. But they won’t make me a better one. And they’ll do little more than frustrate me if I use these “improvements” to suppress the person I am naturally.

Coming around on my 22nd year, I often wonder why I got so obsessed with automating my personality, finding the “best” way to do X, or to get the most out of X.

If there’s anything I’ve learned in my half a year of silence from Aimless Hyperbole, it’s I’m not who I thought I was.

I’m loud, I’m quiet. I’m inconsistent, but always loyal. I’m excited and terribly afraid. I’m on one day and off the next. I’m all or nothing. I work best in all-encompassing waves of action, not consistent, daily tasks. And you know what? That’s okay. It’s who I am, and it’s about time I start embracing it, rather than trying to make myself into someone I can’t ever be.

So here’s to another potential period of silence on Aimless Hyperbole. I’ll check back in when I want to, or next time I have something interesting to say.

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